I often wonder why people take the journey to a magical world, as they say, called love. Is it probably because love conquers all? Because it gives us this “kilig” feeling? Or is it because of the happiness we feel the moment we lay our eyes on that special someone? All smiles, all laughs, kilig times, and all those happy moments together is the price of a single tear. Take note, just a single tear. And how many tears do fall when we cry? When we cry for him? Did we even think if he’s worth it? Despite all the odds, why can’t we stop ourselves from sailing on those rivers of affection surrounded with this undefiable feeling of pain? Why do we still fall in love again even after the most bitter break up? Even if we know that in the end, we would still find ourselves alone, crying, justifying these vexing heartaches?
-July 7, 2007-
“Without you, my life would not be the same as before”
These were the last words I heard that night from someone I loved so dearly. Yes! I did! I took the journey too, just like any other ordinary gal would do. I took the risk. I ventured a seemingly no-end-of-hurt route. Stupidity? Yes it may be. But what can I say, I aint a programmed machine. I have a heart that started to learn how to beat.
At first, it was like a fairytale story in which I played as the princess who found her prince. A prince who said will love me with all his heart. A prince who would complete me. One who cannot contain his self without me. I felt like I was the happiest individual ever to have lived for it is not an everyday story to be loved back by someone you love the most. But unlike a young girl’s dream of a, if not perfect, then an almost perfect love story, mine did not have this “and they live happily ever after” ending. It was the opposite. We fought and fought. Small mistakes turned out to be big quarrels. Heart-melting words were not expressed anymore. The music of endearment was never heard again. It was lost. What was left was nothing but misunderstanding days.
How did this came to be? Why did this happen? Did I run out of time? Did 12mn strike already? I guess it definitely did. I won’t say I did not try to fix that “out of the ordinary something” that we had because I did. I tried every possible way to bring back the spark. To find a way to turn things back on how they are used to be, on how they should be. But unfortunate as I am, I failed. But not because he did not want us back. In fact he did his best to make yesterday’s joyful memories our present too. I did not give up. Neither did he. But destiny did. And sadly, science still did not find a cure for a broken heart.
Just like a mirror, once broken, one can never paste it back for it would just cause him wounds. Ours was broken, especially mine. So here I am now, reminiscing blissful memories. Remembering the days when he’ll say those three golden words. Yet, alone, endlessly crying and justifying these vexing heartaches.
Last statement? LOVE HURTS!!
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